it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
