You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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