I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
