She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
