You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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