This is not my ceiling
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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