i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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