If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
