So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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