Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
