is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
