Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
