Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
