i don't like sucking hair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
