We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
