Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
