You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
