Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
