Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
