Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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