i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He shit in the fireplace
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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