I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
