to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
