honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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