How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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