Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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