remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
