apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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