It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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