i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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