I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He did a backflip because drugs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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