people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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