i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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