I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
