I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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