Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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