There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
