sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
