Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
