those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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