i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
