saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
