k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
