My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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