we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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