you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
