I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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