I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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