The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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