Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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