i don't like sucking hair
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
