So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
