We won't sleep together?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
