Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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