someone get that fucking seahorse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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