my mouth tastes like poor choices
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
