we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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