I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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