Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
