Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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