I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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