I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
