she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
