i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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