This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My bed smells like the plague
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
