Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
