I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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